Real Talk

Umm.. so I know I’ve never talked about this on here before. It’s been a very conscientious decision because.. well.. it’s terribly personal to me. But as with every major life change, accountability is key and talking things out helps tremendously. I know this from past experience. So here it is: I’m trying to lose weight. Whew! What a huge revelation! A weight has been lifted! I kid, I kid. But in all seriousness this is a huge part of me and has been for as long as I can remember. As I’m sure all of you can relate, the holidays were NOT good to the waistline. They were great in every other aspect: family, friends, gifts, giving, relaxation, and the food.. can we just take a moment to remember all that delicious holiday food? Ok, the moment is over, the holidays are over, and so is the time where I get to eat everything that gets put in front of me. In an effort to become more accountable, I think I’m going to write about this journey here if you all don’t mind. Who knows.. maybe I can help someone else who is going through the same struggles I am. That’d be pretty great, I guess. So, today is my first day back on plan and I checked in with my coach this morning. I think I’ll just re-post the email for now.. Maybe I’ll delve more into it later.

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Hi Susie,

First off, I want to thank you for the email and voice message of encouragement. Honestly, the holidays were very hard for me (as I’m sure you gathered by my lack of response). I wasn’t on plan really at all and honestly, after the four weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I couldn’t believe how much what I ate affected my body. I mean, I know what good food does and how it makes you feel. Of course I know. Perhaps I just forgot? Maybe I just was enjoying my time not thinking about everything that went in my mouth and just having quality time with family? Maybe I just wanted to take the holidays and not stress about weight? I don’t know. What I DO know, is that if I’m not in the mind frame of wanting to actively lose weight, it’s never gonna happen. And I’m just going to frustrate myself trying. Weight loss takes tremendous willpower and sometimes, sadly, I just don’t have that. I came to a point, just before Christmas where I was very frustrated with myself and how I’d let myself slowly creep back into old habits. Over the holidays I only gained 8 pounds but it’s mind-blowing how 8 pounds feels on a body. I was starting to not like the way my clothes fit like they did before. I didn’t like the way I was looking in the mirror like I had just 4 weeks before. I was having occasional heart burn and not sleeping as well. Not only that, but I was very stressed emotionally about the weight gain. Every time I get to a milestone (usually the 10 pound mark) I tell myself ‘I’ll never weigh that again’. Well, over the holidays I got back up over one of those milestones and sort of broke down. It scared me to see that number. Actually, on one hand it scared me. On the other hand, I was relieved that I was having the feelings of anxiety that I was. I know that sounds weird, but my biggest fear from loosing so much weight is allowing myself to gain it back. It’s happened to me before and it’s happened to countless people I know and love. So the fact that I was scared after gaining 8 pounds made me realize that no matter if I gain a few pounds during the holidays, I’m never letting myself get back to where I was three years ago. I am a different person now. I’m happy! I like myself and who I’ve become. Not only with the weight loss, but also as a friend, daughter, sister, girlfriend, and co-worker. I’m sweeter. I love more. I work harder and have more energy. All these are things that I refuse to give up.

So, to make a short story long (!), as of today I am fully back on plan. I woke up excited to start. I remember feeling this way before I started the first time and it’s invigorating to take matters back into my own hands. This is the year I’m going to meet my goal! I have tremendous support around me (mom and dad, you, my friends, my boyfriend) and I know I will succeed. I also am trying to remember those 8 pounds. If gaining 8 pounds can make my body react that poorly, think of what losing 8 pounds will feel like! I also need to remember where I started. Three years ago today (WOW!) I was 78 pounds heavier than I am now. Sure there have been some peaks and valleys, but I’ve kept that weight off for THREE YEARS!! That’s longer than ever before. Anyway, I greatly appreciate your love and support. You are so good at giving me space when I need it, but just when I feel a little out of control, I’ll get an email or call from you and it reminds me how many people are here to help me.

I hope you had a wonderful Christmas season. Thanks again, Susie, for being you.

‘Tis the Season

I love Christmastime, don’t you? It’s probably my favorite time of year. I love the music, the jingle of the salvation army bell outside my grocery store, the cozy sweaters and warm mittens. I love how this season can bring out the best in people–although, as we’ve seen lately, it can also bring out the worst.

This year here, 2012, well it’s been one of the best of my life. I’ve been blessed in so many ways, some I’ve shared here and some which are too personal to post. But while things in my life have been going well, the people I love and surround myself with are going through the hardest times of their lives. Dear friends losing babies, houses being broken into, sick mothers, pay cuts & reduced hours, financial stress, sickness.. the list could go on. And these are just the people I know!

It’s hard for me because, other than lending a sympathetic ear, I don’t know what I can do for those dearest to me. I wish I could fix things. I wish I had a bank account that could pay for hospital bills & rent. I wish I had a magic wand that I could wave and take the immense pain and grieving away. I wish I could protect those I love from the evils of this earth. Sadly, you know as well as I do that these things are impossible. All I can do, all anyone can really do, is let those near us know how much we love them.

So this is to all of you, my dear friends. Whether you’ve been through heartache lately or have been blissfully shielded from pain, each and every one of you mean the world to me. I hope you know this. We can only hope that we’ve done a good job of telling those we love that.. well.. we love them.

Merry Christmas everyone. Please, now more than ever, remember to be kind and just love one another.

Oh Canada

Ok, I don’t know what is wrong with me! I literally have two–count them, two!–draft posts sitting in my dashboard and I can’t seem to find the inspiration to publish them. They just don’t excite me, ya know? And I mean, there’s nothing worse than posting something that doesn’t positively inspire you, at least at that very moment!

So, I’ve decided to post about my trip to Canada this summer! Every time I think about my time spent up in Malibu, I’m reinvigorated. Not only was the setting probably one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been, but going up there to serve as a high school leader was amazing–challenging, hard, stretching, & uncomfortable–but amazing none the less.

If you’re not familiar with Malibu (and I’d be surprised if you were), it is a Young Life camp most of the year. However, for two weeks a summer, the camp transforms into a family camp for active service military and their families. All of the campers are based out of Ft. Lewis just outside of Seattle. They have to apply to come to camp, and for the few lucky families who are chosen, they get an all expenses paid trip up to the Canadian wilderness to hang out with their family, uninterrupted, for an entire week.

It is an incredible thing to watch the transformation that happens in these families in such a short time. When they first get to Malibu landing, they’ve been on a bus for 12 hours driving straight through the night. All of us volunteers do what they call a Tunnel of Love–which is basically lining up and waving spirit fingers in their faces and cheering at the top of our lungs as they exit the bus–you know.. being all around obnoxious. I’ll admit, If I’d been packed on a bus for the entire night with screaming children and hardly any sleep, I probably wouldn’t be thrilled to be welcomed by the Tunnel of Love either. BUT you could just see a hardness in some of their faces that was a little unexpected. I mean, these men and women have all been deployed at least one time, many of them several times. That takes its toll on a person. Also the dynamic of a family that goes through something like that isn’t like most traditional families (if there is such a thing anymore). One of the girls in my small group said that her dad had been deployed 9 out of the 17 years she’d been alive. That’s so hard to relate to as someone who’s dad was home for dinner every single night of the week!

Like I was saying though, these families were transformed almost immediately. By the second day, these tough, military dads were dancing like fools with their children and not even worried that everyone at camp was watching them. There were mothers who, on the first day were verbally berating their children in front of everyone, became nurturing and encouraging right before my eyes. There were couples on the verge of divorce, who over the course of the week reconnected and decided to renew their vows in front of all their new-found friends. Seriously, guys.. when I was talking about writing an inspiring post, I guess this is the one I had been waiting for!

I could literally write pages and pages about my experience, but I don’t think it would do the whole thing justice. If you ever have the opportunity to go somewhere and serve like this, I encourage you to do it. It was such a growing experience for me in a thousand different ways, but I will never forget my week up North nor will I forget the great friends I made or the families who have forever touched my heart.

Maybe I’ll do a follow up post on Malibu later and get a little more into depth about what went on during the week, but I think for now, just reliving it even just a little bit has made me a pretty happy girl.

And now, for some pretty pictures!

The pool. No big deal.

I got to work on this dock for the entire week. Rough life.

School is Back in Session!

So apparently I take teachers hours when it comes to blogging. Can we say summers off?? Yes please! But honestly, I’ve missed writing and posting. I’ve done some amazing things this summer, met some amazing people, and really took a lot of time for myself. I’ve traveled to Canada & Vegas, cheered on the Timbers (even when there was no hope of them winning), BBQ-ed like a crazy person,  hiked the beautiful Columbia River Gorge, volunteered at a Young Life Military Family Camp, played some golf with the Dad, FINALLY got my Oregon drivers license, and so much more! I hope to share a lot of these things with you in the coming weeks so hopefully my hiatus won’t have been in vain.

In the mean time, I’m going to enjoy these last few days of summer we’re having here in Oregon. It’s supposed to reach 95 today! Bleh! Keep cool babies!!

 

Summertime Walks

Just some random photos from my lunchtime walk yesterday. I really love Portland in the summer! I aslo really love the picture below for some reason.. however, I almost got taken out by a bicycle to capture it, so maybe that’s why I love it so much! I had to fight for that one!

And, not to save the best for last or anything, but this guy was using a water hover craft up and down the Willamette.. I kid you not. The proof is in the pictures!!

Also, I wish when you zoomed in to crop a pic in Instagram that it didn’t make it so much smaller! I understand the reasoning, but speaking as a perfectionist, I really hate that they’re not all the same size. Oh well.. nothing to do unless you all have some tricks to share. I guess I could take them into Photoshop to re-size them, but that just seems like so.much.effort.

What She Wore

1. Paul Smith Long Black Cardigan
2. Dolce & Gabbana Pink Ruffle Silk Top
3. DVF Allen Harem Pants
4. Target Esma Sandal 

I like to think I have an ok sense of fashion. I follow some fashion blogs and try to wear pieces that are on trend (and also, I’m fancy and use words like on trend). But I find I don’t really take a lot of huge risks in the clothing department. Sure, I’m sitting here wearing a sweater with a giant blue heart on the front as I type this, but is that risky? Well, it’s adorable & preppy, without a doubt. But risky? I’d venture not.

Recently, a girl started working in the office that has the guts to pull off fashion trends I only dare to dream of. For some reason, she can go from wearing a delicious peplum top with a pencil skirt and heals one day, to hipster glasses, a leather vest and plaid the next. And the key here is she doesn’t look like she’s trying!

So I’ve been throwing around the idea of starting a regular post entitled “What She Wore.” It’s pretty simple folks: I’m gonna tell you what she wore that day and how amazing she looked. Is that creepy? Strike that, I know it’s kind of creepy, but I don’t care. I would hope if she read this she would take it as a compliment that I find her fashion sense fascinating. Plus, I really feel like she could give us all such great inspiration. I mean, if you saw her, you’d know what I was talking about.

Now, just so you don’t get the wrong idea here, I’m not going to be following her around and snapping candid photos of her and posting them for all to see. I’m simply going to find similar items online and put them all together (see above for what she wore today). A sort of voyeuristic curation of one woman’s look. Genius right!?

Yeah, I’m gonna go with genius instead of creepy.

They Call The Thing Rodeo

It’s not too late to blog about something that happened almost a month ago, right? I mean,  I figure it’s much like thank you cards for a wedding–if you get them out within a year, you’re good to go! As a side note, I fully intend on exercising this right of tardy posts.. I’ve had one I’ve been meaning to put up since October but just can’t seem to get around to taking nice pictures yet! Hey, at least it’s something for you all to look forward to. As another side note, who decided that it’s ok to send a thank you card an entire year after a wedding!? And as a final side note (I promise), I really wish it was common practice to use the Interrobang. First off it’s just plain awesome to say, and second I think it creates a pretty terrific ligature, wouldn’t you agree?

Alright, now that I’ve officially gone off on multiple tangents, it’s time to reign it in–and let me tell you, the pun was most definitely intended!

A few weekends ago, I was invited by one of my favorite friends ever to go to the Sisters Rodeo in central Oregon (read about my previous Sisters adventures here). As I’m sure you all know by now, I have a serious crush on Sisters, but what you may not know about me yet is that my love for rodeos runs deep. As a matter of fact, one of my claims to fame is my appearance (I use that term loosely, you couldn’t actually see me at all) in a crowd scene in the movie 8 Seconds. Maybe it’s childhood nostalgia from growing up in Colorado where the cowboys are as rugged as the mountains. Or maybe it’s the fact that Garth Brooks will forever be one of my favorite country singers. Who knows. What I do know is, I love me some rodeos.

For me, the Sisters Rodeo is the start of summer. They call it “The Biggest Little Show In The World” which I think is quite adorable. It is relatively small, but most rodeos on the west coast are. I can’t really say for certain what it is that gives this particular rodeo it’s immense charm: maybe it’s the fact that it is nestled in a place where it’s literally city ordinance to have all the buildings look like old west saloons. Or maybe it’s because pretty much everyone in the city of Sisters comes out for the show. Whichever the case,  it’s wonderful.

The day started with the annual parade. This parade consists of mainly rodeo queens and old-time cars. Awesomeness for sure.

Then, after a quick lunch back at the house, we were rodeo bound.

I have to say my favorite part of this particular rodeo, though, was the after party. If you are over 21, it’s pretty much mandatory to go out after the evening show to one of Sisters’ two bars. Last year, we went to Bronco Billy’s but decided this year to try out the new Hardtails. Both places were similar in that they had an excellent live band, dance floor and relatively cheap drinks. Hardtails wins in the end with the mechanical bull. Also, the people watching this year was beyond compare.

We spotted many a character, some of whom we’ve lovingly dubbed Romo, Tape Measure Guy, and Old Make Out Couple. There were guys in bolo ties, girls in fringe galore, tight jeans, cowboy boots and more. My favorite guy of the night was sporting what I could only describe as a Pendleton jacket. I know we had a name for him too but I can’t remember what it was! Alfonso? I don’t know but it was something European sounding.

The best character of the night by far was Tanya Harding herself.. riding the mechanical bull. Yes, that really happened. Amy even got a video of it as proof.

All in all, it was another fantastic weekend.

And now, a little Garth Brooks to lead you out. You’re welcome. Shockingly, it’s surprisingly hard to find the original Garth Brooks Rodeo on the internet. But I’m gonna keep trying for you all because reading this post with that playing in the background is a thing to be experienced. Stay tuned!

A Man And His Daughter

Dad likes to play golf. Actually, saying he likes to play golf is a little bit of an understatement. He watches golf on tv; can remember how he shot on a particular hole, on a particular day, on a particular course better than he can remember his address; and last year (or was it two years ago!?) he took a trip to Scotland to play four or five courses as well as partake in many a Hendricks & Tonic (with cucumber of course). I honestly think it was his ‘Trip of a Lifetime’. Mine? Lounging on the Greek Isles while handsome men feed me olives and wine. That sounds pretty nice right about now. But I digress.

To recap: Dad. loves. golf.

So when my brother moved away to Boston, Dad was especially sad not only to be losing his only son to the East coast, but also because Cam is the one in the family who can actually keep up with the old man on the golf course. But as it was Father’s Day on Sunday, and as I actually do enjoy playing golf, I decided to treat him to an easy round of 9 on our local course. It was a perfect day for golf: warm, but mostly overcast and a slight breeze so I dusted off my old clubs and away we went.

There’s something about golf that seems terribly civilized, isn’t there? And it’s not just the mandatory collared shirts or golf etiquette. I love the sound the club makes when you’ve hit a really great drive off the tee–the kind of drive where you don’t even feel the ball connecting with the club. I love the finely manicured grass, the flapping of the flag, the ‘plunk’ of the ball as it falls into the hole and the way that–once you get home–you just smell like the outdoors. But mostly, the thing I love about golf, is that my dad loves golf. I may not be the best player (ha!) but when it’s just me and Dad, out there in the middle of it all, it really is something quite special.

And after golf: root beer floats.

I hope you all were able to spend time with your dads doing something he loved!

Get Over Your Hill

I don’t have anything terribly important to say today, but I haven’t posted in a while and felt a yearning to write! I posted some song lyrics from Mumford & Sons on Facebook earlier. They go like this:

There will come a time, you’ll see with no more tears
And love will not break your heart but dismiss your fears
Get over your hill and see what you find there
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair

This really speaks loudly to me today for some reason. The bit about getting over your hill, whatever that may be, and seeing the beauty that lies in front of you. It’s so easy to sit around and wallow in self pity about the things in your life you don’t like. So, get over your hill already! Plus, I’m soooo ready for summer and the image of dancing around in a field with a daisy chain in my hair sounds like heaven to me–barefoot, in a sun dress, where it’s perfectly warm and you can feel the sun baking into your bones. Yeah, I’m totally ready for that.

On a lighter note, I cooked my favorite soup ever for the third time last night. Make sure you check out my post about it if you missed it (or even if you didn’t. It’s awesome soup). I think the third time really is the charm because this was my best batch yet! I still can not get over how decadent this soup is–all from veggies! It’s unbelievable.

Also, my dog loves butternut squash, apparently. Raw butternut squash. Weirdo.

Anyway, I hope you all have an amazing Memorial Day weekend and at least take one moment to stop and remember what it really means. I think about my BIL (brother-in-law) a lot over this holiday but try to remember everyone who’s serving currently or has in the past for our country.

I’d also like to take a moment to wish my parents a happy 32nd anniversary (5/24), my baby brother (although not such a baby anymore!) a happy 26th birthday (5/26), and my beautiful sister a happy 28th birthday (5/28)! Whew!! So much to celebrate! Love you guys.

Here’s to a three day weekend!

PS: Here’s the M&S song from above. Take a listen.. it’s a good one.

Mother’s Day at Cannon Beach

I know you know I’m totally obsessed with Instagram, so this post of nothing but iPhone photos from our impromptu Mother’s Day beach trip should come as no surprise to you. Enjoy!

Lola and I love Cannon Beach! A lot!

Haystack Rock

Nana & Lo

These people were playing with their three tiny dogs in the ocean. So cute!

Smiling Finn <3

Lots of people on the Oregon coast!

What a great weekend we had! Hope all of you had an equally fabulous time celebrating your Mom this weekend!